how to cope with being lonely as a twin mom and why I started a twin mom blog
The day my husband went back to work and I was alone with newborn twins (Josie and Margo, our identical twin girls) and a just-turned-two-year-old (Theo) was one of the hardest days of my life.
Not because it was challenging taking care of 3 small humans (although it was). And not because there was a lot of crying (although there was). And not because I didn’t have a single second to myself during the entire day (although I didn’t).
Those things were certainly not easy. But what made the day so incredibly hard was the fact that I felt so lonely. I didn’t have a free second to talk to anyone anyways, but even if I did, I didn’t know anybody with twins. I had so many questions about twins and nobody to talk to about what I was going through!
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Why I Started a Twin Mom Blog
So, what did I do? I turned to the internet, of course. While I was pumping, I scrolled Facebook looking for twin mom blogs. I found so much comfort reading the words of other twin mamas.
One thing is certain… words from these other twin mamas made me feel less alone. I felt like I wasn’t the only person in the world with these struggles! Having other twin moms to talk to, hearing that certain things were normal, all made me feel much more confident in my ability as a mom of multiples.
Right around the time that my twin girls were a year old, I decided I wanted to pay it back. I had the idea to start my own twin mom blog and document what worked for us in our first year raising twins. I wanted to share the chaos, have a judgment-free zone, and most importantly, spread encouragement, and help other twin moms realize they aren’t alone in this craziness of having twins.
I sat down with my computer and started creating my little WordPress blog. Honestly, I had no clue what I was doing and what I would even blog about after the first week. Slowly but surely, it came together. I created an e-mail address, social media accounts (although I’m still lacking a twitter… haha!), my first blog post, and so on.
Two years and hundreds of posts later, my little website has really taken off. I never imagined when I was starting out that it would become a full-time venture, but it has been so worth it. Every time I receive a message or comment from twin moms, saying that I helped them or encouraged them, I am filled with joy. It means everything to me that I am helping mamas overcome loneliness and navigate the waters of twin schedules and sleep needs.
You can read more about how to handle different seasons of mom life here: Navigating the Seasons of Motherhood
The Challenges of Being a Twin Mom
1) Loneliness
When both of my baby girls were crying at the same time, and I burst into tears along with them, I wanted to talk to somebody about it… somebody who understood what I was going through because they’d been through it themselves.
I am not at all saying that being a mom of multiples is harder than being a mom of singletons. Not at all. Motherhood is hard, period.
But isn’t it nice to be able to talk to people who understand? When you’re going through the toddler stage, it’s nice to commiserate with a mom who’s been there or is going through it with you.
When you’re going through the terrible twos… with two-year-old twins… it definitely helps to have people to sympathize with. Also, chocolate and wine help, but only after the kids get to bed 😉
Related: How to Handle Toddler Twins
I know it isn’t only twin moms who feel lonely so I want to make sure I acknowledge that before we move on.
As a first-time mom, motherhood can be VERY lonely (if you’re a first-time mom, this is for you –> The Long, Hard Hours of Being a First Time Mom).
Motherhood can be lonely for stay at home moms (if you’re a stay at home mom, this is for you –> Mom Life Can Be Lonely).
Motherhood is lonely for working moms, stay at home moms, single moms, adoptive moms, twin moms. Not only is it lonely, but it’s something we don’t talk about often. It’s as if saying we’re lonely, admitting that we have these feelings is somehow saying that we aren’t enjoying motherhood; that we don’t love being moms.
Admitting that you are lonely as a mother does not mean that you don’t love motherhood or your children any less. It simply means that you are a human with normal, human emotions, and normal highs and lows.
If your lonely days far outweigh your good days, you may be struggling with postpartum depression. Please read this post on Overcoming Postpartum Depression.
2) Non-Twin Moms Won’t Get It
Nobody gets a twin mom like a twin mom. We understand the struggle of going to the grocery store and having it be an hour longer than it should because of all of the comments and attention (–> Things All Twin Moms Are Sick of Hearing am I right??)
Only twin moms can fully understand the hardest part of having newborn twins. Only twin moms can ALSO understand that toddler twins can be harder than newborn twins. Or that when you’re expecting twins, a twin pregnancy is possibly the hardest part of all of it!
Twin moms know that the first month of having twins is essentially a complete blur. I basically don’t remember the entire month of February the year that my girls were born. I think I emerged from the fog around Easter.
3) Logistics
There is an added challenge when you have two children of the exact same age and skillset. You have two car seats to carry when they’re babies; two tiny alligators to wrestle into their car seats when they’re toddlers; and, you have to wait for two million minutes for your two three-year-olds to climb into their car seats and attempt to buckle themselves.
The logistics can make things difficult. There have been times when I’ve declined a lunch date at a friends house because I knew my twins wouldn’t have high-chairs and would make an absolute mess.
You have to make space for two cribs, two high chairs, two car seats in your car. When they outgrow the baby things, you need two potties, two big kid beds, two bikes, and I suppose, eventually, two cars. I’m going to stop thinking about that for a moment!
Related: You Know You’re a Twin Mom When…
4) You Are Always Outnumbered
Always. The other day, Josie and Margo were running in circles around our house. Somehow, one of them got turned around and the crashed right into each other. They were startled, hurt, and wanted mommy. They both came running to me, sobbing, with outstretched arms.
I, of course, gathered them both into my arms to try to comfort them, but it did nothing. Do you remember being a child and getting hurt and running to your mom for comfort? I do. There’s nothing that can comfort a child more than being wrapped up in their mommy’s arms.
You can’t do that with two children at once. So when my twins are both upset at the same time, and I try to hold them together, it doesn’t quite work. They actually become more upset and start fighting “I want mommy!” “No, I want mommy!”
5) Double the Cost
Things add up really quickly when you double them. When I was researching preschools for Theo, I knew I had to choose a school that would fit into our budget times two when it’s time for Josie and Margo to attend.
I’ve turned down invitations to a local play place because it’s $12 to get in and I simply cannot justify paying $24 for my girls to play. The park is free, and so is the library when it’s rainy or cold!
Double college tuition. Double weddings (I suppose you don’t have to worry about that if you have twin boys…)
While you could say the finance part comes with having more than one child, that’s true. However, with twins, the finances occur at exactly the same time.
6) Comparison
I try so hard not to compare my girls, honestly, it’s very difficult. It’s hard not to think that Josie is the funny one, Margo is the sweet one, etc. When you have two children that are the exact same age it’s easy to see how unique their personalities are.
I worry about my girls and how they will be when they’re at the age when girls can be mean. They’re 3 now, so I have a few years until it’s actually a problem… or at least I hope I do.
They have such distinctly different personalities, and Josie definitely has a bigger personality and is more social than Margo. Let’s just say that she was nicknamed “Bulldozer” by her brother before she could walk.
I don’t want Margo to be overlooked because she’s quieter. I worry that Josie will get all of the attention and they will resent each other.
Such a silly thing to worry about with THREE-year-olds, but that’s what twin moms do.
Conclusion
Even with all of the challenges that come with being a twin mom, I wouldn’t change it for the world…. obviously! I’m so happy that I started my little twin mom blog and that I’ve had the opportunity to connect with each and every one of you. In trying to help new twin moms, it actually helped me <3
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