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Wanting More Babies When It’s Beyond Your Capacity

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I often get asked if we’re done having babies. Most people assume we’re done and aren’t actually asking, but confirming. We have 3 children, which is 1 more than the norm, AND we have both genders. Our family should be complete and perfect, right? The truth is, I don’t know.

Wanting More Babies When It's Beyond Your Capacity: how to tell when you are done having babies. #motherhood #parenting #babyfever

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I always wanted 3-5 children, so we’re there. I also feel like I’m at my capacity. My twin-toddlers demand a lot of attention from me and my 4-year-old is an emotional roller coaster, as most 4-year-olds are.

Read –> How to Handle Your Emotional Four Year Old

I’ve always heard that when your family is complete, you know. When you are done having babies, while you still might be sad, you know 100% that you are done.

I don’t have that feeling. I don’t feel as if we are done. However, I also don’t feel as if we can handle another child at this point.

Read–> Should You Have a 3rd Child?

Reasons I Want Another Baby

Mourning my loss of a ‘normal’ pregnancy and delivery

My twins are now happy, healthy, thriving two-year-olds now and I am so thankful for that. I am beyond grateful for my precious, healthy family. However, as my husband and I talked about and anticipated our second pregnancy, I had expectations and hopes. Many of these things didn’t come to fruition.

I might be entering controversial territory here, but I’m being raw and honest, and I can’t apologize for that. I sometimes wonder if the reason I want another baby isn’t actually about wanting another baby, but feeling as if I missed out on an experience. You see, a twin pregnancy is far different from a singleton pregnancy, or at least mine was. I was in a lot of pain for the duration of my pregnancy and ended up on hospitalized bed rest just before I hit 30 weeks.

Read–> my tips for surviving hospitalized bed rest.

My twins were then born 8-weeks prematurely and spent time in the NICU. I didn’t get to have that precious experience of my older son getting to come into the hospital to meet his siblings. There was no picture of the whole family piled onto the bed in the hospital room. Instead, I went home without my babies.

Read –> My Twin Birth Story.

I remember sitting in the lobby in a wheelchair, waiting for my husband to pull our car up and seeing another mom sitting in a wheelchair holding a car seat with a sweet newborn. I was so angry with myself for being envious, but I was. EvenI tried to feel grateful that my babies were healthy and would be joining us home soon; but there was a part of me that mourned the loss of the pregnancy and delivery I was hoping for.

Joy

I believe that every child adds joy to a family. More excitement Christmas morning; an extra voice to sing happy birthday; more laughter on that first beach day of the year.

I want to add more joy to our family!

Big Sisters

I would love to see Josie and Margo as big sisters. Not only do I think they would love it, but I think it would be really good for them to realize that mommy’s world doesn’t revolve around them 24/7.

Reasons We Should Be Done Having Babies

Capacity

Capacity, you guys. I am AT my capacity. I’m in the stage of motherhood where everything is hard and I barely keep it together. I fully embrace the ‘momiform’ of leggings, dry shampoo, and an oversized cup of coffee. My house is disheveled and at least once a week I resort to scrambled eggs or mac n cheese for dinner because I. Just. Can’t.

Read –> How to Overcome the Mental Load of Motherhood

Spacing

There are two-years between Theo and Josie and Margo. The two-year age gap is equally magical and chaotic. The love between my 3 children warms my heart on a daily basis. It almost makes up for the amount of coffee I need to drink to keep up with them.

They are close enough in age that they enjoy the same things. This makes for fighting over toys, but it also makes for really sweet moments of them playing together. The bond between them is so incredible that I’m afraid that a 4th child will be left out. (Side note: my husband has already vetoed my idea of waiting a few years and having 2 more so that they can be buddies.)

The Baby Stage

The baby stage is hard, everybody knows that! Once you have three kids out of the baby stage, you can begin to go on adventures. My 3 children still take a daily afternoon nap (well, Theo doesn’t sleep every day). Next summer they will be 3 and 5 and that means that we can definitely spend some days skipping nap. That opens the doors for endless opportunities of fun! It’s really hard to think about going back to having a baby that needs to eat and sleep every 3-hours. Reaaallllyyy hard.

So, Are We Done?

Your guess is as good as mine. I’m sure many people reading this will be surprised to hear that it isn’t a resounding “NO.” For now, we continue to wait and not rush into anything. I truly believe that we will know when we are done having children just as much as we will know when/if it’s time to have another.

Read–> this is a wonderful post by my friend Christine on how to tell when your family is complete.

P.S. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to keep up with our adventures!

 

 

 

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Charlene

Friday 25th of September 2020

Wow!! I really needed this article today. We have three girls 6,4&2 years and for 18 months I’ve been fighting myself to be “done”. Me and my husband have given ourselves 6 months to try for a baby but I’m honestly just so tired still however if we don’t do it now we never will and this thought and realisation just saddens my heart beyond anything. It’s so lovely to read about someone in the same situation.😊

Caitlin

Wednesday 7th of October 2020

Did you see that we ended up adding a 4th baby to our family? He is 5 months old now and I cannot imagine life without him! Good luck with your decision!

Bre

Monday 9th of September 2019

I know this was written a year ago, but I am pregnant with my fourth and surely my last. I have three girls. My first delivery was smooth enough, but she had trouble breathing and spent a week in the NICU. My second I just went to a rescheduled doctors appointment for swelling and was 8cm dilated. I had been in labor without know for who knows how long. No pain. I got an epidural before they broke waters and gave me pitocin. I had a baby in 4 hours in the best way imaginable. I didn’t tear, I felt amazing, and to top it off she was the easiest baby yet. Fast forward to my third... she was breach, it was a miserable pregnancy, we bounced around living situations because of getting out of the military a year before, my husband worked two jobs, and I woke up in blood the day before mine and my Dad’s birthday. I had a c-section (breech still) because I was in painless labor again. She was born the day before our birthday, I never got to hold her in the OR because she was having a touch of trouble breathing, then hours later the nurses in the NICU didn’t want to let me hold her because it was “no touch time”. My milk wasn’t coming in, I hurt, they told my husband he couldn’t hold her during “touch time” because of the c-pap. I had to go full Mamma bear and explain how if they believed in Kangaroo care then they better let me hold the baby. I had to go grab a doctor to allow me to. He ended up telling them to let me hold her whenever I wanted. She was born at 37 weeks. There was no good reason for this. She had a c-pap, but I had held my first daughter for hours whenever I wanted with a c-pap. That hospital was just, blah. Anyways, she spent a week in that horrid hospital and then we went home to my grandparents where we never got any peace until we moved out 6 months later for a good job and our own house. Anyways, all this to tell you, I wanted a repeat on the whole pregnancy, birth, and hospital experience. Baby boy is healthy and head down, we own our own house, we are financially stable, and I am only believing that I WILL get a labor and delivery closer to baby number 2. This hospital is more like the one my first two were born at, so, yay! People pretty much demanding that my 3rd be my last was also a good motivator for a 4th... “So she is your last?”, “Three is plenty.”, “Were they all planned? Oh, they were? You’re surely not planning more.” I’ve been telling people before they can get their minds around a fourth that this is my last baby. I can’t have them demanding it and me getting back on the baby train out of spite! Anyways, thank you for writing this. I never read that someone wanted a better labor and delivery to possibly end on.

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