I often get asked if we’re done having babies. Most people assume we’re done and aren’t actually asking, but confirming. We have 3 children, which is 1 more than the norm, AND we have both genders. Our family should be complete and perfect, right? The truth is, I don’t know.
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I always wanted 3-5 children, so we’re there. I also feel like I’m at my capacity. My twin-toddlers demand a lot of attention from me and my 4-year-old is an emotional roller coaster, as most 4-year-olds are.
I’ve always heard that when your family is complete, you know. When you are done having babies, while you still might be sad, you know 100% that you are done.
I don’t have that feeling. I don’t feel as if we are done. However, I also don’t feel as if we can handle another child at this point.
Reasons I Want Another Baby
Mourning my loss of a ‘normal’ pregnancy and delivery
My twins are now happy, healthy, thriving two-year-olds now and I am so thankful for that. I am beyond grateful for my precious, healthy family. However, as my husband and I talked about and anticipated our second pregnancy, I had expectations and hopes. Many of these things didn’t come to fruition.
I might be entering controversial territory here, but I’m being raw and honest, and I can’t apologize for that. I sometimes wonder if the reason I want another baby isn’t actually about wanting another baby, but feeling as if I missed out on an experience. You see, a twin pregnancy is far different from a singleton pregnancy, or at least mine was. I was in a lot of pain for the duration of my pregnancy and ended up on hospitalized bed rest just before I hit 30 weeks.
My twins were then born 8-weeks prematurely and spent time in the NICU. I didn’t get to have that precious experience of my older son getting to come into the hospital to meet his siblings. There was no picture of the whole family piled onto the bed in the hospital room. Instead, I went home without my babies.
Read –> My Twin Birth Story.
I remember sitting in the lobby in a wheelchair, waiting for my husband to pull our car up and seeing another mom sitting in a wheelchair holding a car seat with a sweet newborn. I was so angry with myself for being envious, but I was. EvenI tried to feel grateful that my babies were healthy and would be joining us home soon; but there was a part of me that mourned the loss of the pregnancy and delivery I was hoping for.
I believe that every child adds joy to a family. More excitement Christmas morning; an extra voice to sing happy birthday; more laughter on that first beach day of the year.
I want to add more joy to our family!
I would love to see Josie and Margo as big sisters. Not only do I think they would love it, but I think it would be really good for them to realize that mommy’s world doesn’t revolve around them 24/7.
Reasons We Should Be Done Having Babies
Capacity, you guys. I am AT my capacity. I’m in the stage of motherhood where everything is hard and I barely keep it together. I fully embrace the ‘momiform’ of leggings, dry shampoo, and an oversized cup of coffee. My house is disheveled and at least once a week I resort to scrambled eggs or mac n cheese for dinner because I. Just. Can’t.
There are two-years between Theo and Josie and Margo. The two-year age gap is equally magical and chaotic. The love between my 3 children warms my heart on a daily basis. It almost makes up for the amount of coffee I need to drink to keep up with them.
They are close enough in age that they enjoy the same things. This makes for fighting over toys, but it also makes for really sweet moments of them playing together. The bond between them is so incredible that I’m afraid that a 4th child will be left out. (Side note: my husband has already vetoed my idea of waiting a few years and having 2 more so that they can be buddies.)
The Baby Stage
The baby stage is hard, everybody knows that! Once you have three kids out of the baby stage, you can begin to go on adventures. My 3 children still take a daily afternoon nap (well, Theo doesn’t sleep every day). Next summer they will be 3 and 5 and that means that we can definitely spend some days skipping nap. That opens the doors for endless opportunities of fun! It’s really hard to think about going back to having a baby that needs to eat and sleep every 3-hours. Reaaallllyyy hard.
So, Are We Done?
Your guess is as good as mine. I’m sure many people reading this will be surprised to hear that it isn’t a resounding “NO.” For now, we continue to wait and not rush into anything. I truly believe that we will know when we are done having children just as much as we will know when/if it’s time to have another.
Read–> this is a wonderful post by my friend Christine on how to tell when your family is complete.
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